Friday 9 July 2010

Conspiracy Theories

Following Richard Bloomfield's quarter final victory over Ryan Harrison today, I understand that doubts have been raised by the CIA as to Bloomfield's nationality, based on information supplied during Abu Hamza's recent extradition hearing. It is alleged that Bloomfield may actually be a sleeper Soviet agent by the name of Sergei Federov. Bloomfield had ingeniously embedded himself into the ATP Challenger tour with a cunning plan of losing in first round matches on Mondays, giving him 5 days each week to infiltrate the Tennis establishment before travelling on to the next tournament.

The same source has also suggested that England's pre-World Cup trip to Austria was not actually for altitude acclimatisation purposes, but rather an aborted attempt to swap six players of doubtful nationality or talent - Bent, Huddlestone, Parker, Dawson, Walcott and, er, Mariner - for two dual-nationality Brazilians found playing for CSKA Moscow.

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