Friday, 9 March 2012

Writer's Block

An opening appears in my busy schedule for a blog update. But what to write about? Things currently filling my head –


I hope the Tory voters are feeling pleased with their government’s decision to close Remploy factories, based on an idealogical idea of an ‘integrated workforce’. In practice, they’ve just kicked thousands of disabled people in the nuts. Cunts. Anyway, too angry to write with any purpose on his one, move on…

Manchester United

Would Rafael or Johnny Evans get a place in the line-up of any decent Championship side? Doubt it. Maybe Fergie’s main weakness is loyalty. (But covering plenty of ground better said by others, so..)


I’m sure I’ve got a good post in me about the blue plaques seen around the city, particularly those with a music or sport link. But a bit more research required.

Damaged goods.

Managed to dint my laptop lid, and smash the face of my I-phone, all within 7 days. I hate damaging my possessions. Don’t get me on to cars….

Betfair Forum

In the end, someone did the job for me. With thanks to ‘The Mover’, a little piece from the football forum which nearly all exchange users will recognise, particularly if you’ve spent any time on the forums. Not within the spirit of blogging maybe, but more entertaining than anything I could come up with this morning:

When Not To Bet – The Road To Perdition

It's getting late, the last live football on the telly has just finished. Confirmation of this has been reached by flicking through all the channels. You curse under your breath that with all the satellite channels you subscribe to there is not one damn live football match on. You know damn
well there will be a game on somewhere but no it's just not on the telly. "f'em I will find one online" you hear yourself saying as you open up some more tabs.
Ok plan B is needed. A quick loading up of livescore or futbol24 and you find a match is coming up. Oh good its FC Dogsbollox against FC Shoitepile. A quick scan of the Betfair markets and yes it's there. A quick look at the odds reveals Dogsbollox at 1.3 and Shoitepile at 10's. "This looks like a money spinner" goes through the mind "Dogsbollox must be like Barca". All I need to do now is find out where Dogsbollox are as you know full well it's important that you at least know which country they are from and how high their ground is above sea level before you can even consider entering the in-play thread on the forum.

A quick google search and Dogsbollox are found to play in the Philippines Premier Leaga Uno. A quick look up on soccerstats reveals Dogsbollox are top of the league and unbeaten in 10, great stuff. Oh but hang on where are Shoitepile? Oh damn, it’s not a league game it’s the Copa del Carp and Shoitepile are from the Malaysian Poop League. Oh well fear not the forum will know about this sort of match and I need to get on quick before it starts.

So in you go to the "Dogsbollox v Shoitepile" thread and sure enough there are some posters in there with their bets and match analysis. Some poster called "donemyconkers" is going full bank
on Dogsbollox and "gettheforkinthere" is going in big on goals. Great stuff it's on Betfair video and now I know my bets are on Dogsbollox and goals.
So all loaded up and ready for the kick off with total confidence of a home win and goals. Suddenly "donemyconkers" posts asking what colour Dogsbollox are. Oh fcuk goes through the mind, hes the guy that posted about full bank on Dogsbollox and he doesn't even know their home kit. Even though I'm in the same position having bet on Dogsbollox and not knowing which team they are I wait patiently for a reply so I can see who is who on the vid. 15 minutes of the match goes by and someone called "nailedon" posts it’s going to be 0-0. How can this be when
"gettheforkinthere" has gone big on goals goes through the mind.

The match nears half time and it's still 0-0. Dogsbollox are down to 10 men and Shoitepile have a corner. It rebounds off 5 players before hitting the crossbar and going in off the back of the goalies head. 0-1 Shoitepile. You curse at the screen as the Shoitepile backers post Booooooooom
and GTFI in the forum. How can this be possible? Dogshoite are far better team than Shoitepile, they must be they were 1.3 ffs. Half time 0-1. But wait, whats this? "donemyconkers" is going to
bed! with a full bank on Dogsbollox? How can this be? "gettheforkinthere" replies saying good night and hes off as well as he can't see any more goals and he's greened up from the first goal to finish off a good day.

With hopes fading with the loss of "donemyconkers" and "gettheforkinthere" it goes through your mind that the goal was lucky and even with 10 men Dogsbollox will surely get back into this as its the Copa Carp for god’s sake. Half time comes, the score still 0-1. Shortly after half time a penalty to Shoitepile and you decide you've done your dough and it's time for bed if it goes in. Sure enough in it goes. The laptop lid gets slammed down and you go to bed promising yourself not to get involved in the Copa del Carp again and that it's a mug cup for mug teams.


  1. Fantastic stuff Rob, had me peeing myself


  2. Brings back a few late night Copa Libertadores memories from years ago, thanks for sharing!

  3. Gotta say I do very nicely in the Copa games. But, for the sake of your sanity, whatever else you choose to do in life PLEASE do not watch them ;-)

  4. I think every one us us that bets on in play footy matches can relate to TheMover's very witty piece above. It had me smiling and wincing at the same time as it reminded me of some of the total shite that is served up on Betfair's in play markets that I have bet on in the past. And like Gundulf says, whatever you do if you make the mistake of getting financially involved in one of these matches, FFS don't watch it.